We all know how frustrating writing the first draft of your novel can be – pulling 80,000 words out of thin air and trying to arrange them into a coherent, well-written piece of literature is never going to be easy.
We aren’t saying that beautiful first drafts don’t exist – they do – if you’re one of those people whose brain functions perfectly at all hours of the day, no matter how much of a tiring morning / day / evening / you’ve had.
If you’re like us though, and you often find yourself unable to spell your name after a hard days work or three letter words first thing in the morning, you may end up turning out a first draft littered with inaccuracies, swear words and ‘helpful’ comments reminding you of what you need to improve on in your second draft.
Here’s a list of our favourite, funny and often rude ‘notes to self’.
We apologise in advance for the awful language (which is by no means a reflection of who we are as people), and is merely included in an effort to highlight just how awful (yet hilarious) a first draft can be!
- “What is he playing at we are so confused right now BRAH.”
- “SOME OTHER FIGHTING RELATED ACTIVITIES HERE.”
- “…maybe they actually have a submarine? Who knows – not me yettt ahahahhhaha”
- “She looks super pretty and she feels it for the first time ever brah. even her freckles are ON POINTTTTT.”
- “I shrink back towards the wall. UM HI THERE IS NO WALL YOU ARE STOOD IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIELD YOU TW***T“
- “I recognise the BLOND HAIR THAT I TOTALLY ALEADY MENTIONED, next to the dark hair and the bracelet wearing girl that I TOTALLY NOTICED EARLIER.”
- “Does the name CREEPY WOOD GUY ring any bells instead?”
- “Unless its now late afternoon? WHO THE F**K KNOWS JUST SORT YOUR S**T OUT.”
- “…someone for ten years OR WUTEVER YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN DOE>>>“
- “He senses my WHATS THE WORD?!“
- “He drew the short straw and now has to teach us fu***ers how to shoot people.“
- “He looks sexyyyy. Haha.“
- “(WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER PEEPS WHO ARE STRAIGHT CHILLING round the table).”
- “TRANSITION INTO the next scene here.”
- “He smiles at me (HE SMILES AN AWFUL LOT MAYBE HE NEEDS ANOTHER PHYSICAL TAG?).”
- “We run into the darkness HOLD UP IT WAS SUNNY A SECOND AGO“
- “This is not the first time the mayor has done this. HE A MEANY PANTS.”
- “COME ON HEATHER LET’S THINK ABOUT THIS FOR A SECOND“
- “She waits here until she realises that pr**k face has left.”
- “She’s good at this because she’s good at blending in which makes her perf for this role.”
- “Then no other than w**ker himself comes out.“
- “she sees her parents who look super fab but a little sad cos of the lack of their daughter“.
- “she sees X – what is his part in this whole shebang?.”
- “Maybe the villain is wearing a fancy headpiece. Im not sure TBH.”
- “THIS NEEDS TO LINE UP PROPELRY OTHERWISE ITS STUPID AND DOESNT MAKE SENSE>“
- “I have other things on my mind other than how DAMNNNNN SEXYYY he is.”
- ” he doesn’t break down and cry. (HE MUST BE ACTING SUPER SAD UP UNTIL THIS MOMENT).”
- “The twinkle in his eye has dessapeared, making way for a darker expression (AWESOME WRITNG BRAHHHH).”
- “Which is why WHATS THE VILLAINS NAME AGAIN“
Aaaaannnnd that’s why you shouldn’t beat yourself up over your first draft – it can’t be much worse than ours! Do to the sheer number of comments we found on our drafts, you can read part 2 of this article here.